Shocking Stash Spots: 23 Unbelievable Things You Can Put Your Weed In
Get ready to forget everything you think you know about putting weed into things. This list of 23 unbelievable things you can put your weed in will blow your mind and bring into question the fundamental nature of reality.
Things you can put your weed in…
A Marker – This is the perfect place to stash your smoke if you want it to be difficult to get back out. Just remove the cap on the back and dislodge the pigment sponge. This will leave you an area in which you can add 1-3 grams of ground marijuana, depending on marker size and how fine your dope has been processed. If you still find it too easy to retrieve dried buds from your marker, you can try filling it with dabs instead, insuring it will be almost impossible to remove your buzz from the marker. I am not really certain why one would want to make their weed difficult to retrieve, but Sprout.News caters to stoners of all persuasions, and accordingly – we try not limit the possibilities.
A Wool Sock – If you want somewhere to put your cannabis in which only a portion of it will be nearly possible to retrieve, wool socks are the perfect thing to put your weed in. Again, we realize that these first two submissions are only for a very narrow theoretical audience, so now that we got them out of the way, we can move on to more serious things.
Cryonic Suspension – Have you ever had a weed so good that you want to save it for a future special occasion for which you have no conceivable idea of the exact timeline? Like that Shaved Bush Kush you wanted to smoke with that special someone you haven’t yet met on your wedding night. If so the problem you are likely to have is that by then your herbs will either be dried to dust or will have collected mildew and deadly micro-spiders. The best way to insure that your golden nugget remains perpetually tip top over time is to have it frozen in time using state of the art preservation fluids. And if that fails, you can always thaw out Timothy Leary’s brain and smoke it.
Tacos – The only drawback to putting your weed in tacos is that even if you get it cleaned up and dried back out properly, it will still taste like tacos. Conversely, the best part about putting your weed in tacos is that after you get it cleaned up and properly dried out again, it will taste like tacos!
A Song – Also called the Tom Petty method, putting your weed into a song will keep it fresh and on the chart for months. As a bonus, even people who don’t generally tend to like your songs will still like just the one if you put enough weed in it. However this method only tends to work on listeners who have put sufficient weed in themselves.
A Yellow Submarine – I actually learned about this from a Beatles song in which they repeatedly sing, “Weed all lives in a yellow submarine…” Even though Ringo sings it, I still believe it. Paul rolled it and that settles it.
Danger – Sure, you want your ganja to feel nurtured and safe – but if you don’t let it live a little it will never learn to overcome challenges.
Zip Drive – Until fairly recently a zip drive was considered a sensible way to store your data in case of a computer crash. With portable hard drives and cloud storage they have become obsolete, but you probably have one laying around that tech graveyard cluttering a corner in your basement. There is no better way to hide your weed than putting it somewhere nobody would ever look. Fitted with a small cryogenic chamber, pot stored in these devices could go untouched and unscathed for millennia, and put a real kink in the exploits of any sack-sucker house guests you might end up harboring.
Spin Doctors Cassette Case – Speaking of obsolete items, what could be more outdated than a cassette case? The answer is a cassette case of Pocket Full Of Kryptonite, the Spin Doctors breakthrough 1991 album. A surprising survey in 1999 found that this particular recording was the last cassette people ever bought – more so than any other artist’s release. A follow up study in 2001 sought to determine if this strange anomaly was caused by the albums release lining up with the exact point in time which compact disc sales began to overtake the old tape medium, but eventually concluded that it was actually due to the fact that most people who bought this cassette gave up on music shortly afterwards and began listening to NPR instead.
Quantum Limbo aka: Schrodingers Sack – Is your marijuana an indica or sativa strain? In Schrodingers Sack, so long as the bag remains closed it is potentially both. Only when the nugs are smoked will they reveal their true nature. Or if you can identify it by visual markers, that works too, but what do I look like – a budtender?
Nebraska, but don’t – You can keep pretty much anything in Nebraska really, but then you either have to stay there with it or return to retrieve it, and there is no buzz big enough to overcome that kill.
The Altoids Tin Your Best Friend Was Carrying When She Got Hit By A Bus – Even though she had to be identified using teeth fragments after stepping in front of that Greyhound, the Altoids tin your best friend kept her weed in came out of her pocket afterwards pretty much unscathed. You carry it to remember her and you always keep it filled with her favorite strain, which is pretty good, but always makes you give irrelevant and awkward advice to strangers based on things that would only make sense if that person was you.
Escrow – This is something you can put things in. It’s a long list so bear with me. My limited knowledge says that it means something like – an account in which assets are placed through a trusted third party that holds them until the specific terms of the contract have been met. And even if I am slightly wrong, I would still wager you could put your weed in it. And betting is pretty much a form of escrow. I think.
A Trust Fund – Say you placed a large amount of marijuana in cryogenic suspension in order to pass it on to the next several generations of your family as inheritance. Cannabis nepotism. You wouldn’t want your grandchildren to blaze through all of it during their college years or mid-life crisis’, so you would spread out payments over time in regular intervals using a trust fund. But now imagine if you received a monthly stipend of the sticky stuff just for having been born into the right family. It sounds good at first but starts to turn up negative possibilities the more you consider it. This biggest problem of them being – could you ever really know if your friends really liked you or were just attached to your toke titty? No thanks, I’ll earn my stash old fash, writing bad jokes that almost nobody will read or appreciate in exchange for the stems and sterile seeds of literary notoriety.
Pop Tart Wrapper – Okay, back to things you can literally put your weed in. And in this case, a thing I actually have put my personal pot into in the past. This was in the days of brickweed, and there really wasn’t much to lose in terms of flavor enhancement experiments. First you have to find the paper/foil/plastic wrappers, even if that means going store brand, since they hold the Pop Tart essence best. Next you have to make a clean opening and get rid of the Pop Tarts, which awful as they might seem now, will sound pretty good later. Put them in the bag the weed was in, which will make for a nice complimentary treat after you smoke a few spliffs of that Brown Sugar and Cinnamon infused shwag a day or two later. Fruit flavors are for the unimaginative, so try more exotic blends like Smores or Snozberry Cheesecake.
Black Kettle – Your pot won’t care what color the kettle is, nor will it make hypocritical and disparaging remarks about it.
Cognito – This won’t really prevent drug sniffing K9 units from recognizing it, but it will add an air of mystery and intrigue at parties.
Shotgun Shells – Somebody should try this and then share a video of them shooting the pot projectiles at various objects. Instant YouTube fame awaits, seriously.
First Place – Why wait for some supposed ‘Cannabis Cup’ or other industry driven awards ceremony to recognize your homegrown strain as top notch? You grew it yourself, now you can and should both judge and award it yourself. Home brewers have been doing this for years. I never met a person that fermented fanatically who wasn’t completely sure that every beer but theirs was hopped fodder for plebeian fools.
Fruits and Vegetables – Vegan, possibly paleo and in most cases gluten free. Also, see ‘Tacos’ and ‘Pop Tart Wrappers’.
4WD – Listen, I probably should have came up with the actual items before the number of items to come up with for this list. In retrospect, that seems like a much better idea. And duly noted for the future. But like it or not, here we are with only three more to go, too late to give up, and it’s probably going to get even worse before it’s all over with. So instead of forcing a hopelessly failed punchline I will let you imagine a stretched connection between putting your weed in four wheel drive and something resembling a list based humor article item. Literary apathy or Zen riddle?
Geostationary Orbit – Sure, we have already managed to put cannabis into space, at least once and maybe more. But maybe we should leave several stashellites in orbit around the planet as a sort of preemptive peace offering for any potential visitors from beyond. Chances are, if they have received information from our media and made surveys of the residue created by our predilection for violence, they might think we are a hopelessly lost species. We should let them know that some of us are peaceful, compassionate beings that just want to be healthy, prosperous and high. But then again, maybe we shouldn’t get them high, just in case it makes them vulnerable to being shot at and bombed by those among us who aren’t yet so evolved.
Tents – Besides keeping it safe from raccoons, opossums and bears, you will be able to catch an outdoorsy buzz that is really in tents.
Well, that ended badly. But at least it started out on the wrong foot and felt strained and contrived throughout the middle. If you made it all the way through this, feel free to throw things at me. I’ll escrow a wager that I can figure out some way to put my weed in whatever it is you toss. Take that, Dick Cheney!free wordpress themes